The Confessions of a Child of the Century.

Little Susie, we are going to be alright.

2012-02-14T02:07:00.004+08:00

We are going to meet again with a stronger friendship and many adventures to share with each other. Do as you please, while you are still young. Don't hesitate too much or you will lose the momentum to do what your heart wildly desires to. Take care of yourself and your family. Do well and make everyone proud. 1.5 years will be over in a blink of an eye. And I will be fucking 23 years old then. Old maid much?!

I will miss the time where we talk about utter nonsense, then suddenly switch to raw, emotional truthful moments. I will miss having you by my side, my Beijing warrior. Now that Im going to fight Australia alone, wish me luck.

Jiejie love you long time~ <3

Before flying….

2012-02-06T21:45:00.004+08:00

I must;

- eat Twelve Cupcakes' Salted Caramel Cupcake

- eat Carbonara, egg tarts, Sticky's kiwi rocks…..

- get tipsy

- meet up with all my friends

- clean my room out

- throw away unnecessary stuff

- go have Starbucks at midnight

- try not to stuff my luggages with crap

- mani-pedi

PS: My MBMJ bag got destroyed in the washing machine. Used it once only. -_- These days, Im in such a zen mode, I dont even react anymore. I need to start appreciating more. \m/

DBS

2012-02-03T00:27:00.000+08:00

All the best. You can do it. You are my grass on the other side. <3

Screwing myself over?

2012-01-16T16:43:00.002+08:00

Econs. Smart choice. But I probably will spend this 1.5 years slamming my head into walls and crying for making this stupid decision so as to better my future. Math is my biggest nemesis in life. I will have to cram and cram my guts out for this degree.

But the Banking & Finance industry will always be thriving. Forever. Money in, money out. Stocks rise, stock plummet.

Hello conscience, please dont chew me out, in time to come for giving up the easier path of Marketing and putting myself through mathematical hell. I will buy you new clothes, shoes, bags and be good to you when the money starts to roll in. Tolerate and perservere on. Grin and bear it.

This is it?! 2011?

2011-12-30T22:29:00.002+08:00

2011 feels like a gap year that I have taken off school. I don't think I have done much this year. Feels as though I spent this year in a drunken daze. I used to dream of my wondrous independence the moment I turn 21. But this year reflected nothing but my pathetic reliance of my parents. Epic dream fail.

My only resolution this year;

To stay alive and survive the upcoming difficult times of being away from everything familiar. I will try to fight my inner demons and not succumb to temptations. "Try" is the major keyword here.

Fuck fear, drink ~~beer~~ alcohol.

Come on, 2012. Gimme your best shot.

Home.

2011-12-08T11:11:00.002+08:00

Iffah went and came back, but she feels that things have changed in SG alr. She much prefers it over in Aussie and is urging her parents to allow her to return at a much earlier date than planned.

Now Im worried. I dont want to lose my sense of belongingness. I still want to feel as though I belong here and that this is my home. I need the push-pull factor that makes me want to return home and be happy. Someone please tell me where I can find this factor.

Life is pretty mundane. Work, home, internet, sleep. Occassional randomly-made decisions to go clubbing, getting wasted then feel like a bag of crap at work the next day. I need to break out of this stifling mold. I cant wait to start studying, I have already began my revising. I wonder if this is just a spur of the moment thing or will this enthusiasm last past Christmas. Ohwells, CNY is early this year and I need to buy new clothes. I havent purchased clothes online since April. Now, Im back with a vengeance. HAHAHA.

We are going for a ride. Sit tight. x

2011-10-27T10:51:00.003+08:00

Im getting pretty good at saving money. I dont even feel the urge to online shop anymore. Heck, I dont even feel the need to purchase things now. Thats good, thats good. I just have to keep this up on a permanent basis.

Mixed feelings about Beijing. I want to go to Sanlitun & Houhai again. I want to eat at Houhai's restaurants. The alcohol there is abit fucked up, music pretty fucked up, the crowd even more fucked up. But ohwells, thanks to the company that I had with me, it made things easier to swallow.

E-visa is done. I just have to go through with the Medical Appointment and wait for approval. Im feeling jittery already. Rob tells me that Ave is being stereotyped and judged by her "friends" there. -_- Part of me wants to quickly go over to be her friend. Another part of me is dreading the household chores and whatnots. But I really want to leave SG. I think I've been around my parents too much. Its abit stiffling. Cold war between The Mom and I. We need to grow up, seriously. -_- This is another long suffereing battle to see who gives in first and the biggest victim will ultimately be my dad. As always.

Drank with Rob<3 the other day. Talked nonsense, talked about the serious stuff, vented frustrations, anger and shared joys. This is a true friend, multiplying joy and dividing sorrows. THIS IS FUCKING CHEESY. SOMEBODY STAB ME PLEASE. Anyways, Bedok is scary at night. The Bedok Reservoir being near-by doesnt help either.

Oh Mermaid, I dont know if you are still reading my stagnant blog, but do you remember what I told you during our last night in BJ? (:

David Gandy, Who?

2011-09-15T23:27:00.003+08:00

New Favorite Male Model♥

Coco acting vintage

2011-08-28T13:38:00.003+08:00

Hello Beautiful~ I love you so much. Will you be mine? <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Noe

2011-08-27T22:49:00.003+08:00

You Noe or not?

Thanks, Mum. But Im still upset with you. /HERH

Options /Choices

2011-08-25T11:51:00.002+08:00

No such.

Sometimes, you are left with nothing to choose from.

This may not be a bad thing. But then again, who am I reassuring?

I need/want a tattoo.

If I have got the money…...

2011-08-20T00:56:00.001+08:00

I will sleep all day and party all night.

True story.

National Day

2011-08-09T20:44:00.001+08:00

Disappointment is a hard pill to swallow.

Im going to be okay.

2011-07-31T12:56:00.003+08:00

But till then, fuck you.

Some people view you, judge you and label you. Even when they know shit about you. So much for sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me.

#Do I like alcohol or do I see it as a shortcut to escape reality?

Forever Alone.

2011-07-12T12:52:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I feel as though Im missing out. From what, I don't know.

I havent had wholehearted fun without alcohol since I left school and the mere thought that I need alcohol to have fun is pretty disturbing.

I need brainless fun. Right now.

Oh no.

2011-07-09T14:48:00.002+08:00

Its like climbing out of a fire pit just to jump straight into hell.

Hi June, Bye June.

2011-06-30T23:01:00.007+08:00

Hi Guys, I love you guys. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

June is almost over and it has been a wild, busy, expensive month. I took this entire month to try to redeem myself and to allow myself the opportunity to get to know my old friends again. There has been hits and misses, there were people that I regretted meeting up with and all. But thats cool. At least I bothered overstepping the boundaries. Right? Right.

June is the birthday month. I went wild, a little toooooo wild and enforced a one month ban on alcohol on myself. I haven't had a hard time keeping to it. But it will be nice to drink again. P.S: 7 more days to alcohol again. Whoopwhoop~

Pictorial Evidence of Wild Night. I puked so much, I had a sore throat the next day. But Thanks Guys! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I owe alot to my friends honestly, and sometimes I act mean to them randomly. But you people should know that I don't mean a thing right? TEEHEE~

Oh. I need to rant. I don't understand why people are so needy, they feel the need to contact you the minute they are awake till the moment they fall asleep. They ask you where you are, what you are doing and who you are with, then disturb you and tease you, hoping that you will reveal more personal information about yourself and your current relationship status. Going far enough to "match-make" you and whoever is on your FB's profile picture. I think its fucking annoying, and I feel burdened as a friend. Im okay with long chats, just not everyday. It irks me so much, that whenever my phone beeps, I cringe. I do not reply and end up getting spammed. This is extremely nonsensical and very tiring on my part. Sometimes I regret being overly-friendly. Who says people of different gender cannot be just friends?! Sometimes, I wish guys are born with an inbuilt ability to understand The Bestfriend Theory. Isn't "You are my BFF" and big enough hint for people to understand that we don't see them as an individual we want to get into a relationship with? Whatever la. End of story, BOYS SUCK. Oh. And Im still not lesbian, regardless.

Its hard to be a friend, because some people, do not know how to toe the line. (Pun intended)

Rob:"我是中邪了嗎？"

2011-05-28T23:58:00.002+08:00

Whenever I see this photo, I will LOL.

Why can't we make peace?

2011-05-26T23:36:00.004+08:00

My dad told me that he hates my sister. For the choices that she made, for the things that she have done. I know how disappointed my parents are, due to the immense expectations that they have of her. But hate is such a strong word to use, especially on your own daughter. Do you all think that her i-don't-give-a-fuck attitude is who she truly is? Sometimes, I wish my parents will see how weak their children are, despite how strong we portray ourselves to be.

This is why I tell myself never to fail, neither do I allow myself to. The judging, the pin-pointing, the accusations that follows a failure will kill me.

I'm tired

2011-05-14T09:03:00.002+08:00

I need to follow my instincts.

So, please do not tell me things that will sway my decisions. Im going to leave and thats it.
I need to learn how to be resistant to all these persuasions.
Furthermore, my happiness > yours. Right? If only I can walk the talk.

I need to concuss. And get my social life back.

Are you being realistic?

2011-05-08T00:00:00.004+08:00

People make plans. But they forget they have got "obstacles" preventing them from progressing and fulfilling their dreams. True, we need to dream big, but please remember where you stand. Obvious unattainable huge dreams makes you seem very foolish and pathetic.

Oh. And people need to shut up and think. SHUT UP, most importantly. Sharing your retarded views on a social media website, not like you aren't stupid enough already in the first place. Being interested in something because of it being the hot topic now. PLEASE LA. Some of you don't even know who the MP of your place is. Give it 2 weeks, you prolly won't even remember which GRC you belong to, anymore. Stupid shitheads.

21 & Bloody Confused

2011-05-03T22:58:00.004+08:00

Will I be happy? Yes
Will I be alone? Yes
Will I be able to survive? Yes
Will I make new friends? Yes
Will I regret it? Maybe
Will I study hard? Maybe
Will I come back a different person? Maybe
Will I wish I have never gone? Maybe
Is it a waste of my time? I dont know
Am I making the right decision? I dont know
Will I feel like crap in the middle of the night wishing I was back in Singapore, playing a fool with my family and friends? Will I cry because Im so sick and I need my parents to send me to the hospital? Will I ever have the courage to kill and dispose of a lizard? Will I be hardworking enough to do my laundry and clean up after myself? Will people here forget about me? Will I move on when I make new friends? Will I miss the convenience of driving around? Will I miss quarreling with my mother and mock beating up my sisters? Will I miss acting cute to my dad and watching him do the same in return?

I need a compass to show me the right direction to head towards. Mixed feelings now.

#3

2011-04-28T23:05:00.001+08:00

RIP Jasper Ho.

Im only 21 this year. And so far, I have already lost 3 friends to death.

Fred Punch

2011-04-23T21:10:00.003+08:00

Hello, 3 years

Why so precious?

Preferred Poison, Always

Aftermath

2011-04-23T06:15:00.002+08:00

Last night, the party started at approximately 9pm. I was half gone by 10pm. Left the party around 1, because I know if I stayed any longer, I will do the macarena at the bar top.
Then I fell asleep with a dustbin next to my bed incase I vomit in the middle of the night.
Now, I wake up feeling like a bag of crap.

But. It was hellamother good to just let loose and have fun. We should do this again and again and again and again.

Subculture Night

2011-04-22T16:05:00.001+08:00

Bloody excited for the party later. Havent partied in ages. (Y)

And I have to conduct 3 interviews tomorrow morning, while being half high. Im going to pull through, I hope.

Corporate Paintball

2011-04-17T20:13:00.004+08:00

Tiring week.
Left Jurong with battle scars, slightly sunburnt and a lingering muddy stench.
My feet is so sore and my entire body aches.
Feeling drained.

Oh. Someone bought durians back . (y)

Story of my life

2011-03-31T22:27:00.000+08:00

Did my best

2011-03-27T17:16:00.001+08:00

I tried ah. But you didn't give a shit. So too bad for you. Quit whining, I won't bother any longer.

Office Politics

2011-03-26T01:36:00.004+08:00

I think I am incapable of handling my responsibilities at work. Not when I have to clear the shit of my incompetent colleagues. Sometimes, its hard to draw a distinct line between work and friendship, so we feel obligated to help others with their work without saying "No". This ends up with me being buried with a mountain-pile of work that I try so hard to complete.
At work, the managers and senior executives choose favorites, all is well for me as I am able to deliver my tasks properly. But I cannot help the nagging feeling I get, when I see you being upset with everybody and disliking me for being the "chosen" one. I didn't ask for it. And I tried to make things better by being genuinely very nice to you. But you behave so immature about it, I wish I can choose not to give a fuck. But the working society is extremely different from when I was still in school, where I can choose my own friends, make some enemies and not give a shit about what people think of me. As colleagues, I thought it would be nice if we were all friendly to each other so that there would be proper synergy when we work together. It takes two hands to clap. Not only do I have to complete my tasks, your tasks, I still have to PR you. Its no wonder why work drains me out so much.

I met up with my friends today, and all I could think of was 'sleep'. I want to have mindless fun with them, but I can't. Transition period should be over, I ought to be more used to things by now and not feel like dying every single day. This slows down my productivity alot.

I think I need a change of mindset. & I think I need to learn how to say "No.".

Heartbreak

2011-03-20T17:47:00.000+08:00

Did you hear your heart shatter?

Seamstress Sim

2011-03-15T22:09:00.001+08:00

I can't seem to be able to find a suitable seamstress. I think Im going to youtube and learn how to make my own. Time to dig out my mother's portable sewing machine and put my Girl Guide's skills to use. HAHAHAHA

To call my own

2011-03-15T19:54:00.002+08:00

Im thinking of tailor-making my clothes. So that I can choose my own fabrics, lengths, colors. Time to go buy cloths~

Wannabe

2011-03-10T22:27:00.000+08:00

SEPARATE IDENTITY. you understand?

Fulfilling

2011-03-09T21:57:00.001+08:00

Actually, being busy is not a bad thing.
Koh Samui in May. Party for 3 days 2 night then drown myself in work again.
And Im not going to have a party for my 21st, doesn't seem fair to.

So long, farewell~

On the loop

2011-03-07T01:33:00.000+08:00

Come Home - One Republic ft Sara Bareilles <3

Sales & Marketing Executive

2011-03-05T01:19:00.004+08:00

Work is tiring. I cannot imagine studying and working at the same time when July comes about. I KO on the couch everyday when I return home from work. Anyways~ Work has been fun, I made them stop calling me Hayley. Made lots of new friends. Don't really like some of them, doing my damn bloody best to PR most of them. :0 Next step is to make friends with 10-5. HAHAHAHAHAH.

I miss my friends and Im jealous that they do not have to wake up at 6am in the morning and get to sleep in. :(

Just a reminder

2011-02-24T23:41:00.004+08:00

Hi kids,
Growing up sucks. So treasure the time when your entire world collapses just because you didn't get the winning tile during mahjong, you are too broke to buy another shot of alcohol, when the bitch you hate from school is prettier than you, when you spend so much that you will have to live on tapwater and bread for the next 3 weeks. Quit praying to grow up. Life remains the same, but its not the little things that crash your world anymore. Its the big shit that comes and engulfs you whole, without letting you cry for help. So much for adulthood.

I feel like a brat. You know, my previous posts about growing up and being independent and all? Screw all of that, Im still not ready for it. I cannot do things without relying on my parents. And that sucks. Big time.

Jar of Hearts

2011-02-23T05:13:00.001+08:00

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

0800870H

2011-02-20T00:31:00.003+08:00

Celebrated the end of my tertiary education with alcohol with a few of my favorite people from school. The entire idea of leaving TP hasn't exactly overwhelmed me yet. But I feel damn grown-up now with alot of choices and decisions to make. 10 days of break before I go back being Hayley and start on my job.
I didn't do very well in TP, my results were sub-par, not good enough for the local Unis, but I have kinda a better portfolio to make up for it, I guess. My life in TP was more play than work, to be honest. I spent most of my time having fun and stuff, instead of being serious in my work. Gained alot of friends, some enemies and plenty of bad first impressions.
There is this next stage of life that I would need to move on to, I would most definitely have to go to a University. The only problem now, is to get one to accept me. Good luck to me on that.

PS: Hi Mermaid, 3 years flew past. We have gone through many ups and downs together, laugh together, cry together, hate on people together, go on alcoholic binges together. Thank you for overlooking all my faults and blemishes and sticking with me. Love you~

Take a Break

2011-02-15T15:16:00.001+08:00

Sit back, relax, drink some alcohol.
Look at the clouds pass by.

Alcohol Fest

2011-02-12T12:03:00.003+08:00

Never felt so crappy after drinking before.
2 cannons. 10 people.
Dices. Bluff.
Woke up and found puke stains in the toilet bowl.
No freaking idea how I drove home. (y)

Oh. Highlight of the night was learning that two of TP Marketing's lecturers will be joining the company.
From student-lecturer relationships to colleagues.
Not cool.

Sometimes......

2011-02-10T20:19:00.000+08:00

"I wish people would accept my feelings a little more. I am often encouraged by them to be myself and to not hide how I feel. But when I finally become comfortable enough to show them whatever sadness or darkness I may have inside me, they are scared of it, or they almost get angry at me for not being able to be happy.
I know it’s a hard thing to do, but I want someone to accept me as I am, bad feelings and sadness included, and to try to help me instead of making me feel like something is wrong with me for not being happy like other people."

Oh really?

2011-02-09T04:48:00.001+08:00

We always give ourselves goals to reach.
How many of us actually attained it?
Action speaks louder than words.
Some people learn it the hard way.

Reality Check

2011-02-08T02:28:00.002+08:00

You know you are old when new celebrities are your age or younger.
Need to concentrate on IMC instead of staring at Alex Pettyfer. :0
How much can they test in a 1hr paper anyway. Right? Right. Back to Google Images, I go.

2011-02-06T22:45:00.001+08:00

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less thank fuckin' perfect,
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothïng
You're perfect to me...

2011-02-06T07:04:00.003+08:00

I was going through my old blog posts when I found this quiz that I did 2 years ago.

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.'

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2011-02-05T21:15:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I cry when people tell me ”算了啦“.
Cause Im petty like that.

HAHAHAH.Epic loser much?

2011-02-05T19:27:00.001+08:00

Today feels like Sunday.
Playing Mahjong later.
YET AGAIN.

2011-02-05T05:08:00.000+08:00

If I take Rob's advice, I would stop being friends with you.

2011-02-03T04:54:00.001+08:00

Its damn late & Im not asleep.
Im going to force everybody to sing K with me in the evening. HAHAHAHA

2011-02-03T04:46:00.000+08:00

To what extent do you consider......................

toetheline

2011-02-02T17:50:00.001+08:00

DO NOT FUCKING QUESTION ME.

/things that I cannot say to your face. But you read my blog. So here goes.

ANYWAY~ Worldpeace.

2011-02-02T01:08:00.001+08:00

The signs of not sleeping is starting to show on my face.

School is ending. Good/Bad?

2011-02-01T04:39:00.002+08:00

Im abit giddily high from the lack of sleep, the gastric pains and the stupid wind blowing right at me. Still in school at 4.40am. I must be seriously retarded to have agreed to this. Im so sleepy now, but the slavedriver keeps choosing the right time to call my name and jolt me awake just when Im about to fall asleep. Well-played. :/

Oh. And I have a bump on my forehead. If it doesn't dissipate before CNY, Im going to dropkick the guys.

2011-01-31T01:26:00.002+08:00

You haven't changed.
But Im not surprised.
Why should I be?

I dont want to get involved in this bullcrap that isn't my problem in the first place,anymore.
Im turning out to be the losing party. _|_
Sucks being me. HAHAHAHA

2011-01-30T22:35:00.001+08:00

You are always like that.
Trying to invoke jealousy.
So damn typical.
Im not going to say anything.
Just watch the show while you be the clown.

2011-01-29T02:17:00.000+08:00

Bright and Cheery Huimin from now on. Not the time to be petty about things. \m/

Thank you, Mermaid. <3

2011-01-28T14:12:00.001+08:00

For a person without many friends, this sucks. Damn bad.
I dont call this losing a friendship, but it feels so much like it.

2011-01-28T01:37:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I wish I can backspace my words too.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Does the mass spamming of HAHHAHs make me seem more normal? Many would think so. HAHAH

2011-01-27T00:47:00.003+08:00

Im not overly emotional la. Just extremely whiny from the lack of sleep.
Thank you people for all the showering of love and concern though.
Exactly what I needed. <3

Im not that weak.
My middle name's Chun Li yo~ A fucking legend. \m/

2011-01-26T21:53:00.001+08:00

I call this putting up a front.
Time needs to stop for awhile so I can rest then continue going.

2011-01-26T03:07:00.002+08:00

Because the people around me are kind, thats why I have to be kinder.
Sometimes, Im kind not because I want to, its because I need / have to.
However, people just deem it as "unacceptable behavior".
But then again, who are you to judge?

Sick and tired of people's fingers pin-pointing out flaws.
This sick shit behavior of putting others down has added on to my insecurities.
Congratulations, you have achieved your aims.

2011-01-26T00:41:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I doubt myself too.

2011-01-24T01:24:00.000+08:00

Sneakers and Studs. What is not to love about this lethal combo?

2011-01-23T23:34:00.002+08:00

"Are you lesbian?" , "why you not interested in anyone meh?"

I got a rude shock. DO I APPEAR OFF AS A LESBIAN? Im not homophobic to be honest, but I dont seem lesbian what. Maybe a bit too manly la. But lesbian?! Interested in anyone?! Look at my social circle or what is of it. I do not have alot of friends. I keep hanging out with the same people over and over again. Ive got my school mates, ex school mates and colleagues. Who to be attracted to? And I dont like to tread over the friend-relationship line. It seems awkward and will be awkward.

Ayes. Now, not only do I have to stress about my academics, my future plans, how I plan my financial budget, I must also got search for a boyfriend lest someone else ask if Im lesbian again. Life sucks.

HAHAHAH. This is post is extremely nonsensical. I think staring at the computer the entire day causes this. Overnight in school tmr, better sleep early. (:

2011-01-17T19:58:00.003+08:00

2011 is moving way too fast for my liking. :/
Ordered some of my CNY clothes alr. I buy the weirdest things. Like party dresses that I have no place to wear to.
Impulse buys. But still, life is quite good. I dont seem to be doing much, but Im always occupied.
Maybe 2011 wont be so bad afterall~

2011-01-16T01:56:00.002+08:00

Some of the things you say are so thoughtless, like you think I would automatically agree with you. He was your friend before mine. And I don't want you to think that Im choosing his friendship over ours. I think that conversation was the most awkward one we ever had. And that says alot, since we talk very very often. I don't think you mean any harm, but sometimes we need to be a little sensitive to what we say. We are going to graduate soon, all the guys will be in NS, the girls will either continue studying or start working. Heck, we probably would not meet up ever again after graduation. So till then, lets all be nice to each other and appreciate each other. Whether we like it or not. We might not approve of other's actions, behaviors or attitude. But "disappointed" is such a strong word, like you think your friend has failed you. And that sucks.

Im dreading graduation because I know Im not the type to take the initiative to keep in contact with others. And its very upsetting to think that the time that all of us have together is dwindling. Shall we all settle or disregard our petty differences and enjoy whatever time we all have together? (:

2011-01-13T00:30:00.000+08:00

Time seeping away like quicksand. Too fast and too rushed. Many plans to be made. Many decisions to be made. Too many concerns.

2011-01-09T00:48:00.002+08:00

The reason there is 3 of us, is so that the 3rd one can take pictures of the other two.

2011-01-05T14:03:00.001+08:00

Feels surreal. 2011.

2010-12-24T21:14:00.000+08:00

I don't understand why the burdens of the financial difficulties of the extended family should be placed on my mother. Why don't the relatives and their respective partners just fucking buck up and strive for things instead of lamely sitting there waiting for my mother's “Midas Touch”? It is tough on my mother and somehow painful to see her like this. People should stop trying to leech off the slightly “more successful” one, just because you all fucking thinks she can handle it. I don't like to see The Family stressing over financial problems that aren't theirs in the first place.
For those that cannot afford it, don't do it. Its tiring for my parents to be tying up all the loose ends for you all because all you incapable fools are so fucking selfish and unable to think.

I guess Im old enough to somewhat survive on my own. I don't really want to leech off my parents anymore. Im going to take up a study loan for my Uni course, so goodbye to fortnightly ASOS purchases. Time for me to grow up and be independent.

2010-12-13T23:46:00.001+08:00

People should get over their petty hate for others. Even if you don't feel like it, at least shut the fuck up about it. Disliking a sole person in masses, does not make you part of the "IN" crowd. It just shows your lack of maturity and you unable to step up to be the bigger man.

2010-12-12T21:36:00.004+08:00

500th post!~

Love the top with the hole at the back.

Love the white camera, Love the case.

Pretty Doc Marts. Red stitching or Red tab?

2010-12-12T15:34:00.002+08:00

I need to say something very snide, very mean. But you can't handle it. Neither do I want to face the repercussions of my speech. I miss the past alot. Go drink, get high, laugh and the cycle repeats. We do the same thing now, but its as though everything has changed. 3 months of not contacting each other & not hanging out has changed us so much. This is extremely foolish. I choke at the way I handle my problems at times.

People do need to look at the mirror at times.

2010-12-04T23:36:00.003+08:00

Im so bored at home! ),: I can't step out of the house in fear of spreading the virus. Nothing is nice online for me to buy. I want to go town!! ): There is only so much TV and websites that I can watch. Ironic, 1 week MC when I cannot even step out of the house. Im going to cut my hair the moment Im fine. :D

2010-11-28T02:03:00.002+08:00

Just received news that my uncle has to undergo kidney dialysis. His daughters were with me and they were stunned before bursting into tears. I was shell-shocked for a moment, before getting into the role of the supportive elder sister.
This will be considered one of the life-changing moments that they are going to face in their young journey. My heart aches, for my uncle, for the girls, for the entire situation as a whole.

I feel crappy.

2010-11-21T03:27:00.002+08:00

My life isnt all rainbows and butterflies. And I dont know why people assume and think it is. I may live a life more blessed than others. But this does not mean that there arent any dark sides. Two sides to a coin and you only always see your side. What about mine?!

Had a talk with The Sister last week. Realised that we faced alot of similar shit from our "friends", people that take advantage of us because we seem more fortunate and shit. It hurts when some people treat you a certain way eventhough it hurts the crap out of you, but they think you deserve it, just because. It hurts even more when the people you deeply care about, do it to you too. I believe that Im fiercely loyal to my friends, and I always try to see the good in each of them. But once I see something bad in you, I get so repulsed, I dont even want to hang out anymore. Obviously humanbeings are flawed, me included. I do not judge nitty gritty nonsensical stuffs ofcourse, but don't take advantage of me to my face. The least you all can do, is do it subtly. So that I can pretend I dont notice.
"Friends forever , best buddies, sister I never had." All these terms are starting to become jokes. Sometimes, I stop to wonder if this person is friends with me for any specific reason.

Fucking emo-nemo at the moment. Going to sleep all of this away.

2010-10-25T22:07:00.002+08:00

So this is what a real internship is. Things are awkward at work, because they are new to me and all. But the people there are so so so nice.

The care and concern from the people around me are seriously overwhelming. I love you guys~ <3<3<3<3

2010-10-24T02:25:00.001+08:00

At the very least, this adventure has shown me who my real friends are, and who are the people that just want to leech off me. Thanks alot.

2010-10-21T20:17:00.003+08:00

I feel as though energy is being seeped out of every fiber of my body. Its difficult and painful to repeat the entire ~~ordeal~~ adventure to everyone who is concerned. I even had to tell my relatives that I end work early at the other side which is why Im back so soon.
I know many people think that we are making a mountain out of a molehill by pulling the plug and that there are many repercussions to our actions. What may seem as an overly emotional and irrational act to others was actually a very very painful decision that we have made after much consideration.
Its time to move on, I need something or everything to occupy my mind now. I need to settle in asap and start with the next chapter of my life. People need to stop questioning me and expecting detailed answers. The past month has become a fuzzy blur now. Its been exhausting trying to explain, trying to make sense, trying to tell everyone that Im okay. The Mother even thinks that Im psycho enough to send me to a psychiatrist, very unnecessary and it is bugging me alot.
Im very tired and I need some sort of a recluse. Stop the questioning. Enough is enough.

2010-10-14T00:24:00.003+08:00

Hi Evelyn Ong,
You are bathing in the toilet now. As everyone know, between the both of us, I am the stronger one. Im supposed to be the one protecting you and all. So I always feel bad whenever she is making snide remarks about your work or scolds you. I know you very much want to cry, but you keep holding it in. The time you cried when your sister left our hotel room, I felt so bad and upset that I couldnt do anything but to cry with you.
Being in Beijing away from my comfort zone and working under the boss from hell has made me very sensitive, very fragile and very whiny. I constantly breakdown emotionally infront of you. I try not to, because it makes you feel upset about our situation too. But I couldnt swallow my tears any longer, I even cry in the shower so that you wont see, and you wont feel bad.
You have seen me cry countless of times these past weeks. This surpasses the number of times that you have seen me cry throughout the years that you have known me. I dont think I could have survived without you next to me.
Working in a foreign country is tough, being in a different culture is killing us. I know that you are having a rough time too. But thank you for being here with me, withstanding my nonsense, letting me put my leg on you when we sleep, letting me annoy you constantly, piss you off, laugh with me, cry with me...... There is 43 days more till the end of our suffering.

This came from Robert's email to us. 為你的難過而快樂的是敵人，為你的快樂而快樂的是朋友，為你的難過而難過的才是你的知己。This struck me alot and made me realize that this trip has made us more than just friends. I love you, Itchy Ong. Thank you for being so strong, so funny, so annoying and so silly. Please do not pretend to be strong infront of me. I think we are already beyond that. <3<3<3

I dont think I can tell you this personally. Im not shy usually, but I think I will cry again if I tell you this to your face.

2010-09-21T00:18:00.002+08:00

My room is damn sexy. Too bad, China is being such a bitch and refuses to let me upload the picture anywhere. ):
Traffic is like shit, people's like shit, food is like shit, air quality sucks. But having Evelyn here makes things better, at least Im not alone or with someone that I dont really know.

2010-07-30T00:31:00.001+08:00

Instead of studying for Strategic Marketing. Im reading this tranny's blog. Damn humorous. "im 30 with two tattoos, a bag of regrets, a good head and a nice surprise between my legs" HAHAHAHA

2010-07-27T13:09:00.002+08:00

This was my comment for one of my groupmate for her Self&Peer Evaluation

"Lack of sense for an 18 year old. Already in her second year and still not realizing the importance of deadlines. Not concerned about the quality of her own work. No idea what are the proper attire to wear during presentations. Not failing her out of pure sympathy. "

Damn bastard. But, FUCK YOU.

2010-07-02T17:06:00.006+08:00

Its been ages since I blogged. The convenience of Twitter. HAHHAHA. I spend the entire month of June celebrating my birthday. I like~ HAAHA. This is damn late, but THANK YOU all people. For overlooking my bitch face and realizing how wonderful I am deep down. I love you all many many many. OSIP interview next monday. I need to take a professional looking passport photo. :B
Many things happened in June. The stupid midsems, my birthday celebrations,Club Med, project meetings, party.... Picture possssstttttttt.

The lovely 2M02 people.

The not so pretty Phuket beach.

Mad crazy waves.

The annoying sister. :B

Before the seasickness kicked in & I spent the rest of the journey puking my guts out.

My bimbos.

And the Himbo.

Loch Ness Monster.

Emergency-stop.

<3

Wonderful Party Crew.

Smexy~

Pretty Aveling.

Like one cute only~

2010-06-02T23:18:00.001+08:00

Brief discussion about my future studying plans with The Mother. ANU for me?

2010-06-01T17:42:00.001+08:00

365 days alr. How are you faring up there?

2010-05-26T18:04:00.001+08:00

So caught up in your cheating world, with diamond studded rings and pearls.

2010-05-24T20:43:00.001+08:00

May is officially a shitty month.

2010-05-20T23:01:00.000+08:00

A good man left. RIP, WQX.

2010-05-19T03:27:00.003+08:00

Been fucking whiny these days. Need to bloody stop.

2010-05-19T00:54:00.001+08:00

Getting myself this. My only motivation. I dont even care about the grades anyway. Just need to get this over and done with. But then again, I have my principles. Screwed over,ain't I?

2010-05-18T23:20:00.001+08:00

I seriously hate this. Work seems to be piling up. Non-stop.

2010-05-18T01:11:00.000+08:00

I just read Evelyn's blog about how some people curse and swear at other groups to fail. My group dont need anyone to curse and swear at us to fail. We are an ultimate fail. I really hate this.

2010-05-17T00:54:00.002+08:00

I dont want to explain myself whenever someone deems that I have done something wrong. I got no excess time in the world to justify my actions. Heck. I dont even have enough time to sleep. GROUP work, man. Its immensely tiring for 1 person to carry the work load of 6 people. Where's the initiative?

Watch & learn, people.

2010-05-14T19:15:00.001+08:00

Im so tired. Im going to sleep on the couch now. Until its time to go visit The Grandmother. :/

2010-05-13T01:49:00.000+08:00

Why so cute?!

2010-05-13T01:44:00.002+08:00

Half-way through the week and Im barely alive. I dont want to ask for the weekends to arrive ASAP because I need to work. Doing something everyday for a week, numbs the soul. But I will keep my mouth shut when payday arrives. RWS's pay scheme is extremely retarded. But the idea of splitting the pay into two then receiving another part of your pay during the middle of the month may not be a bad thing either. At least Im not dead broke. \m/
Going to start saving money again. I hate being without savings.

2010-05-10T23:03:00.001+08:00

I dont like over-enthusiastic people. I try not to hang around them. Get it?